Week 6: Empty Pitchers vs. Hot Cousins...Again

If half of the battle is just showing up, the Hot Cousins failed to meet that low threshold on Sunday, forfeiting Game 1, and then getting whooped with their rotating cast of ladies in Game 2, by a score of 8-4.

After the Commish caused a league-wide stir following her attempts to cancel a day and a half's slate of games 72 hours in advance (Tropical Storm Karen failed to make landfall), Tropical Storm Greg took full advantage of another week's worth of stat-padding versus the Hot Cousins, going 5-6 on the day. The Pitchers' started off Game 1 with a scorching 5 hits in a row (for the likely first-time ever), including a 2-run scoring double from Brooke. Alex added 4 hits on the day, Richie had a key two-out single to score a pair of runs when the trajectory of Game 2 was still in the air, and Lisa continued to lead the ladies in batting average, going &2-3 on the day and raising her average to an even .400.

Game 11 Box Score
10/13/2013
TEAM   1  2  3  4  5  6  7  FINAL
EP     0  1  3  1  0  0  3  8
HC     0  0  1  0  1  2  0  4

PLAYER    AB  R  H  RBI  BB  AVG 'On the Day'
David P    4  2  2   2   0  .778 (2-4,sac)
Nicole C   4  0  0   1   0  .280 (0-4,sac)
Greg CF    4  1  3   1   0  .750 (5-6)
Tara EH    4  0  1   0   1  .318 (2-5,walk)
Richie 3B  3  0  1   2   0  .455 (2-3,walk)
Brooke 1B  3  1  0   0   0  .190 (1-4,walk)
Brian LF   3  0  1   0   0  .400 (1-3,sac)
Katie 2B   3  0  1   0   0  .161 (2-5)
Sam SS     2  1  2   1   0  .476 (3-4)
 Matt      1  0  0   0   0  .579 (1-3)
Alicia RF  2  0  1   0   0  .222 (2-4)
 Lisa      1  0  1   0   0  .400 (2-3)
Alex EH    3  2  2   1   0  .560 (4-5)
Pete RCF   3  1  2   0   0  .316 (2-5)

2B - Sam (4); OTF - Matt (2)

Game 10 Box Score
10/13/2013
TEAM   1  2  3  4  5  6  7  FINAL
HC     0  0  0  0  X  X  X  0
EP     5  2  0  0  X  X  X  7

PLAYER    AB  R  H  RBI  BB 
Sam SS     2  1  1   0   0  
Tara 2B    2  1  1   0   0  
Greg CF    2  1  2   1   0  
Brooke 1B  2  1  1   2   0  
Alex P     2  1  2   1   0 
Lisa C     2  0  1   0   0  
Matt RCF   2  0  1   1   0  
Katie RF   2  0  1   0   0  
Pete LF    2  0  0   0   0  
Alicia EH  2  1  1   0   0  
Richie 3B  1  1  1   0   0  
Nicole EH  1  0  0   0   0 
Brian EH   1  0  1   1  sac
David EH   1  0  1   1  sac  

2B - Alex (2), Brooke (1), Richie (2)

Weeks 2 and 3 Flashback: While Koach was Away

Having all these accountants on the team finally pays off -- don't think that  I've never seen such an immaculately-kept book in all my life! With Sam at the helm, the Pitchers ran off a 3-1 record while Koach K was away; splitting a doubleheader against Gotham Sluggers in Week 2, 12-8 and 7-5, and then blanking the Hot Cousins over two in Week 3, 6-0 and 12-0.

Game 5 Box Score
9/21/2013
TEAM   1  2  3  4  5  6  7  FINAL
EP     1  4  0  2  4  0  1  12
HC     0  0  0  0  0  0  0  3

PLAYER    AB  R  H  RBI  BB  AVG 'On the Day'
Brendan RCF5  2  3   1   0  .533 (4-6)
Katie 2B   5  1  1   2   0  .115 (1-8,walk)
Greg SS    5  1  5   4   0  .833 (8-8)
Stacey 1B  4  0  1   0   1  .500 (1-6,walk,sac)
Matt LCF   4  0  3   1   0  .625 (3-7)
Tara RF    4  0  0   0   0  .294 (1-6,sac)
Richie 3B  4  1  3   0   0  .421 (3-7)
Nicole C   4  2  1   0   0  .313 (3-6,walk)
Brian LF   4  3  3   0   0  .417 (4-7)
Dave P     4  3  3   4   0  .857 (6-7,walk)

2B - Brendan (2) Dave (3), Greg (3,4,5), Matt (1),Richie (1); OTF - Brendan (2)

Game 4 Box Score
9/21/2013
TEAM   1  2  3  4  5  6  7  FINAL
HC     0  0  0  0  0  0  0  0
EP     2  0  2  1  1  0  X  6

PLAYER    AB  R  H  RBI  BB 
Dave P     4  1  3   1   1  
Katie 2B   4  2  0   0   1  
Greg RCF   3  1  3   2   0
Stacey 1B  3  1  0   1  sac
Sam SS     2  0  1   1   1 
 Brendan   1  0  1   0   1 
Tara RF    3  0  1   1  sac 
Matt LCF   3  0  0   0   0  
Nicole C   3  1  2   0   1  
Brian LF   3  0  1   0   0  
Richie 3B  3  0  0   0   0

2B - Brendan (1), Dave (2), Greg (1,2)

Game 3 Box Score
9/14/2013
TEAM   1  2  3  4  5  6  7  FINAL
GS     0  0  5  0  0  2  0  7
EP     2  0  0  3  0  0  0  3

PLAYER    AB  R  H  RBI  BB  AVG 'On the Day'
Richie 3B  4  2  1   1   2  .417 (3-6,2 walk)
Katie 2B   4  0  1   1   0  .111 (2-9)
Matt RCF   4  1  2   1   2  .778 (4-4,2 walk)
Stacey 1B  4  0  3   1   0  .750 (6-8)
Alex P     4  0  1   1   0  .571 (4-7,walk)
Nicole C   4  0  0   0   0  .200 (1-5)
Brendan LF 2  0  0   0   0  .444 (2-5,sac)
 Brian     2  0  1   0   0  .200 (1-5,sac)
Tara RF    2  0  0   0   0  .364 (2-4,sac)
 Lisa      1  0  0   0   0  .286 (1-3,walk)
Pete LF    3  1  1   0   0  .375 (3-5,walk)
Sam SS     3  1  1   0   1  .444 (1-5,sac,walk)

2B - Sam (2)

Game 2 Box Score
9/14/2013
TEAM   1  2  3  4  5  6  7  FINAL
EP     1  0  5  0  1  1  3 12
GS     3  2  0  2  0  0  1  8

PLAYER    AB  R  H  RBI  BB 
Pete RCF   3  1  2   0   0  
 Matt      2  1  2   2   0  
Katie 2B   5  1  1   0   0  
Sam SS     4  2  0   1  1+sac
Stacey 1B  4  1  3   2   0
Alex P     4  3  3   3   1 
Tara RF    4  1  1   0   2  
Brendan CF 4  0  2   2   0  
Lisa C     3  0  1   0   1  
 Nicole    1  1  1   1   0  
Brian LF   4  0  1   1   1  
Richie 3B  4  1  2   0   0

2B - Stacey (1); 3B - Matt (1); OTF - Brendan (1)

(Run the Oval) Girls

Once upon a time, nearly three softball weekends ago, the Empty Pitchers defeated the woeful Hot Cousins in a doubleheader, by scores of 13-5, and 12-2. What made the twin near-mercy wins all the more impressive was the Pitchers' stacked 6-lady lineup.

It was a cold and rainy afternoon, and my text message inbox was full of questions as to whether or not we would be playing. When the Empty Pitchers assembled on the field, at 10 minutes past the appointed hour, I looked at the ragtag bunch in front of me, and asked the question: "Oh, crap, which one of you bitches ladies is willing to pitch today?" Tara stepped forward, parting the lightly falling mist, and said she would take the ball and the mound, promising only that she would try her best.

And lo, what a glorious try it was! Playing the softball game of her life, Tara stymied the Cousins over 7 full innings in Game 1, giving up only sporadic runs and walking none. Early in the game, in the dark days when the outcome was still uncertain - the Empty Pitchers rallied behind Tara - with Brooke nabbing a line drive in right with runners on in the 3rd to kill a key rally, Murph legging out a double to start the 3rd, and the Pitchers' offense coming alive to pile on in the 9-run 4th. A slightly-concussed Rubock was all over left, making the ugliest of his ugly catches in a key spot in the 5th and posting a huge stat line at the top of the order - 3 for 3, all for extra bases, with 3 runs scored and 3 RBIs. And a walk for good measure. Oh, how a little bit of a head injury went a long way at the plate that day!

In Game 2, Tara again headed to the mound to soldier on for another start. With the Empty Pitchers sporting a 6-woman, 4-man lineup all the while, the Cousins had the gall (the reprehensable gall!) to contest having a female in both the pitcher and catcher positions. While the ump said he'd allow it (other lady duos were already in the outfield and infield), Tara said no matter, I shall move to 3rd base and finish fully emasculating these pathetically Lukewarm Cousins by making plays from the hot corner. And it was so.

In the shortened second game, with Greg on the mound, the Pitchers got plenty of offense going early, with Greg, Sam and Matt all collecting three hits to burnish their stat lines. Damian scored 3 times at the top of the order, and made a nice play in the 2nd, hurdling a slow-diving Rubock in shallow left-center to cleanly make a catch on a sinking Cousins' line drive.

The Pitchers would go on to celebrate Brooke's birthday in style at Jeremy's, with all the sliders, baked goods and fireworks she could dream of. The end.

Week 3: Empty Pitchers vs. Hot Cousins

Game 6 Box Score
10/7/2012
TEAM   1  2  3  4  5  6  7  FINAL
EP     4  2  5  0  1  X  X  12
HC     1  0  0  1  0  X  X  2

PLAYER    AB  R  H  RBI  BB  AVG 'On the Day'
Damian CF  3  3  2   0   1  .667 (4-6, walk)
Alicia RCF 4  1  2   0   0  .250 (2-5)
Greg P     3  2  3   3   1  .769 (5-7, walk)
Katie RF   2  1  0   0   0  .000 (1-5)
 Stacey    2  1  1   1   0  .300 (2-6)
Sam SS     3  2  3   4   1  .789 (6-7, walk)
Julie C    4  0  2   2   0  .300 (3-5,walk,sac)
Matt LF    3  0  3   1   0  .600 (6-6, walk)
Nicole 2B  3  0  1   0   0  .214 (2-6)
Tara 3B    3  1  2   1   0  .300 (3-7)
Brooke 1B  2  1  1   0   1  .214 (3-4,2 walks)
2B - Damian (2), Greg (3), Sam (7,8), Tara (1)

Game 5 Box Score
10/7/2012
TEAM   1  2  3  4  5  6  7  FINAL
HC     0  0  1  1  0  2  1  5
EP     0  0  2  9  1  1  X  4

PLAYER    AB  R  H  RBI  BB 
Matt LF    3  3  3   3   1 
Brooke RCF 2  1  2   2   1 
 Alicia    1  0  0   0   0 
Greg 3B    4  1  2   2   0 
Stacey 1B  4  1  1   0   0 
Sam SS     4  1  3   2   0 
Tara P     4  1  1   0   0 
Damian CF  3  2  2   2   0 
Katie 2B   3  0  1   0   0 
Julie RF   1  2  1   1  w,sac 
Nicole C   3  1  1   1   0 
2B - Damian (1), Greg (2), Matt (1,2),
     Murph (1), Sam (6)
3B - Matt (1); OTF - Greg (1)

Pitchers Bounce Back against Warmed-Over Cousins

With only Sam and Alicia as carryover witnesses to the softball brutality of two weeks ago, the Empty Pitchers' "B Squad" had no trouble taking two from the Hot Cousins, 10-1 in Game 1, and a closer-than-it-sounds 12-6 in Game 2.

Greg pitched Game 1, keeping the Cousins' batting order off-balance, and being the beneficiary of our opponents playing down a woman (thus saddled with an automatic out at the end of their lineup). John, Greg and Julie all had 3 hits in the early game, silencing both the Cousins' and the Cousins' at-bat boom box.

Game 2 saw Tara's departure to play in her summer team's much-delayed championship final, and David came on to pitch in a 9-versus-9 match up. A very different Oval dynamic saw normally catchable balls fall in for outfield hits, and 4 men batting in a row for both teams' lineups meant there were no opportunities for defensive sloppiness.

The Pitchers wasted no time getting on the board in a big way, nearly batting around TWICE in the second, and taking an early 8-2 lead that ended on John's only out of a 6-7 day; he must have felt some small twinge of pity for the Cousins, and grounded into a close fielder's choice to end the inning. After getting run around by Cousins' hits in the bottom of the inning, and seeing the lead narrowed to 8-6, Koach K smartly positioned herself in center field, ceding the right side of the outfield to Greg, who was able to record force-outs at second and first in the later innings on balls that would normally have been easy singles for the Cousins.

Rubock finally stopped thinking and started hitting, breaking out of his slump and getting back into his quest for a 1.000 average back on track with a 5-for-5 second game (if we conveniently forget that Game 1). Sam and Felix chipped in with 4 hits a piece in the second game, and ringer Brooke was a force for the Pitchers, pressed into duty at catcher and second, she cleanly fielded all her chances, and collected 4 hits and a walk for her morning's efforts.

But the female gold star of the day has to go to Julie. Called out of hiding somewhere near the Pennsylvania-Delaware and cajoled into playing on Saturday, Julie had 4 beautiful hits to go with 4 key RBIs on the day. More impressively, she resisted her instinctive impulses to throw down with the Cousins' first baseman after being tagged out in the face on an errant throw up the first-base line, and that discipline carried over to Jeremy's, where she overpowered Alicia in Travel Scrabble, 328-260.



Next game: Don't miss Old Timers' Day this Sunday down at the Coleman Oval and continuing on to Jeremy's afterwards. Game time is 12:30 p.m. against the Dirt Dogs, followed by chicken cheese steaks with Matt and Rachel afterwards.

Alicia took some solace in knowing she and Julie outlasted neighboring drinkers from the Defeated Cousins, as well as the fact that she wasn't the one who resorted to playing "POO."

Week 5: Pitchers vs. Hot Cousins

Game 8 Box Score
10/15/2011
TEAM   1  2  3  4  5  6  7  FINAL
EP     0  8  0  1  2  1  X  12
HC     2  0  4  0  0  2  X  8

PLAYER    AB  R  H  RBI  BB  AVG 'On the Day'
Sam 1B     5  1  4   2   0  .750 (6-7, sac)
Brooke 2B  5  1  3   2   0  .714 (4-7, walk)
Matt LF    5  2  5   0   0  .833 (6-8)
Alicia RF  4  2  2   3   0  .450 (3-7, walk)
John SS    4  1  3   2   0  .882 (6-7, walk)
Julie C    4  0  1   0   0  .421 (4-7, sac)
David P    4  1  1   1   0  .412 (3-8)
Greg CF    4  2  2   1   0  .846 (5-6, walk, sac)
Felix 3B   4  2  4   1   0  .632 (6-8)
Tara -     4  0  0   0   0  .000 (0-0)

2B - Alicia (1,2,inadvertant exercise),
Brooke (1), Felix (4), John (3), Matt (3);
OTF - David (2)

Game 7 Box Score
10/15/2011
TEAM   1  2  3  4  5  6  7  FINAL
HC     1  0  0  0  0  0  0  1
EP     3  0  2  3  1  1  X  10
PLAYER    AB  R  H  RBI  BB 
John SS    4  2  3   2   1
Tara 2B    4  0  0   0   0
David LF   4  1  2   1   0
Alicia 1B  4  1  1   1   1
Greg P     4  3  3   1   0
Julie RF   4  0  3   4   0
Felix 3B   4  1  2   0   0
Brooke C   3  1  1   0   1
Matt CF    3  0  1   0   0
Sam RCF    3  1  2   1   0

2B - John (1,2), David (2), Greg (3),
Felix (3), Sam (4); 3B - Greg (2) 

Playoffs: Empty Pitchers vs. Stupid Cousins

Playoff Game 1
10/13/2007

TEAM   1  2  3  4  5  6  7   FINAL
HC     4  0  0  0  0  0  0   4
EP     0  0  0  1  0  0  0   1

PLAYER       AB  R  H  RBI  BB   AVG*
1  David      4  0  3   0   0   .750
5  Alicia     4  0  0   0   0   .000
21 Pat        3  0  2   0   0   .666
13 Julie      2  0  1   0   1   .500
44 Matt       3  0  1   0   0   .333
4  Kate       3  0  0   0   0   .000
3  Jon        3  0  0   0   0   .000
11 Kristine   2  0  1   0   1   .500
81 Greg       3  1  1   0   0   .333
10 Adam       3  0  1   1   0   .333

3B - Greg (1)

* Play-off stats separate from regular season

Commish Chantharajes Pitchers

It was a sad, sad Sunday for the Empty Pitchers, who saw their dreams of an undefeated season dashed by the Hot Cousins in Game 2 of a weekend doubleheader.

The Pitchers handily defeated the Cousins in the early game, by a nerve-wracking score of 3-1. Matt and Greg lead a 15-Pitcher offensive attack with a couple of hits apiece, but it was the bottom fifth of the order (Jon, Val and David) that succeeded in getting runners on board to score the team’s trio of runs in the fourth.

In the late game, the male Cousins were finally able to take advantage of testosterone-laden hitters batting back-to-back-to-back-to-back in their lineup, thanks to an elaborate ploy orchestrated by the Commish herself in the early game, and which prevented the Cousins from having to play with an automatic out in their order. Though it has to be noted that the Pitchers themselves certainly screwed the pooch defensively in a 15-3 massacre that ended early thanks to the mercy of the 12-run Mercy Rule.

Matt again picked up a pair of hits (starting his season 4-for-4), while Jon and Pat both had a couple of hits, in a game otherwise notable only for putting the Pitchers’ suddenly anemic offense on display. Thankfully, the team will have a chance to shake off the doldrums with one more doubleheader left to play before the start of the playoffs.

Empty Pitchers vs. Hot Cousins (Again)

Game 8 Box Score (6 innings)
9/30/2007

TEAM   1  2  3  4  5  6  7   FINAL
EP     1  0  1  1  0  0  X   3
HC     0  1  0  4  6  4  X   15

PLAYER       AB  R  H  RBI  BB   AVG
3  Jon        3  0  2   1   0   .692
5  Alicia     3  0  0   0   0   .368
1  David      2  1  1   0   0   .533
13 Julie      1  0  1   0   1   .353
81 Greg       2  0  1   1   0   .692
14 Rachel     2  0  1   0   0   .250
44 Matt       2  0  2   0   0  1.000
19 Nicole     2  0  0   0   0   .154
77 Raul       1  0  0   0   1   .583
7  Chrissy    2  1  1   0   0   .273
10 Adam       2  0  1   0   0   .600
4  Kate       2  0  0   0   0   .000
21 Pat        2  1  2   1   0   .667
17 Val        2  0  0   0   0   .375
15 Damian     2  0  1   0   0   .474

2B - David (2); Julie (1)

Game 7 Box Score
9/30/2007

TEAM   1  2  3  4  5  6  7   FINAL
HC     0  0  0  0  1  0  0   1
EP     0  0  0  3  0  0  X   3

PLAYER       AB  R  H  RBI  BB   AVG
44 Matt       2  1  2   1   0  1.000
14 Rachel     2  0  0   0   0   .000
81 Greg       2  0  2   0   0   .727
5  Alicia     2  0  1   1   0   .438
77 Raul       2  0  1   0   0   .636
13 Julie      2  0  0   0   0   .313
10 Adam       2  0  0   0   0   .625
19 Nicole     2  0  0   0   0   .182
21 Pat        2  0  1   0   0   .615
7  Chrissy    2  0  0   0   0   .222
15 Damian     2  0  0   0   0   .471
4  Kate       2  0  0   0   0   .000
3  Jon        1  1  1   0   0   .700
17 Val        1  1  1   0   0   .500
1  David      1  0  1   1   0   .583

Pitchers Cool Down Hot Cousins

In another well-played game, the Empty Pitchers came out on top of the [Not-So-] Hot Cousins last night, with an 8-to-3 win.

Ringers Jay and Art provided much of the evening's offensive firepower. Jay had a perfect day at the plate, scoring two runs and contributing four timely RBIs on the night (humble fellow that he is, he noted that meant he was directly responsible for 75 percent of the team's scored runs). Playing under the alias "Bollywood Bobby," a bearded Art went 2-for-3, with a trio of RBIs. And making his Empty Pitchers debut, Jon also had a strong game, going 2-for-3 and scoring three times.

Though Julie responded well to being moved up to the 2-hole in the batting order, and David remained strong in the face of adversity known as Umpire Marvin's strike zone, the game ball had to go the Sisters Chantharaj. With runners on late in the game, Nicole effectively Chantharaj-ed* the obnoxious Cousin in the Yellow Hat to record a key inning-ending out, while Val later collected her first official hit on the Coleman Oval.

* Chantharaj (v.) - An act or procedure intended to achieve an end by deceptive means, most often by giving or leading the opposing team's batters to feel a false sense of safety in hitting to the right side.

Empty Pitchers vs. Hot Cousins

Game 4 Box Score (5 innings)
9/19/2007

TEAM    1  2  3  4  5  6  7   FINAL
EP      0  3  3  0  2  X  X   8
HC      1  0  0  2  0  X  X   3

PLAYER       AB  R  H  RBI  BB   AVG
15 Damian     4  1  1   0   0   .500
13 Julie      3  0  2   0   0   .571
1  David      3  0  1   1   0   .714
5  Alicia     2  2  2   0   1   .500
3  Jon        3  3  2   0   0   .666
7  Chrissy    3  0  0   0   0   .285
SB Jay        3  2  3   4   0  1.000
19 Nicole     3  0  1   0   0   .142
SB Art        3  0  2   3   0   .666
17 Val        3  0  1   0   0   .333

2B - Jon (1); Jay (1)