(Run the Oval) Girls

Once upon a time, nearly three softball weekends ago, the Empty Pitchers defeated the woeful Hot Cousins in a doubleheader, by scores of 13-5, and 12-2. What made the twin near-mercy wins all the more impressive was the Pitchers' stacked 6-lady lineup.

It was a cold and rainy afternoon, and my text message inbox was full of questions as to whether or not we would be playing. When the Empty Pitchers assembled on the field, at 10 minutes past the appointed hour, I looked at the ragtag bunch in front of me, and asked the question: "Oh, crap, which one of you bitches ladies is willing to pitch today?" Tara stepped forward, parting the lightly falling mist, and said she would take the ball and the mound, promising only that she would try her best.

And lo, what a glorious try it was! Playing the softball game of her life, Tara stymied the Cousins over 7 full innings in Game 1, giving up only sporadic runs and walking none. Early in the game, in the dark days when the outcome was still uncertain - the Empty Pitchers rallied behind Tara - with Brooke nabbing a line drive in right with runners on in the 3rd to kill a key rally, Murph legging out a double to start the 3rd, and the Pitchers' offense coming alive to pile on in the 9-run 4th. A slightly-concussed Rubock was all over left, making the ugliest of his ugly catches in a key spot in the 5th and posting a huge stat line at the top of the order - 3 for 3, all for extra bases, with 3 runs scored and 3 RBIs. And a walk for good measure. Oh, how a little bit of a head injury went a long way at the plate that day!

In Game 2, Tara again headed to the mound to soldier on for another start. With the Empty Pitchers sporting a 6-woman, 4-man lineup all the while, the Cousins had the gall (the reprehensable gall!) to contest having a female in both the pitcher and catcher positions. While the ump said he'd allow it (other lady duos were already in the outfield and infield), Tara said no matter, I shall move to 3rd base and finish fully emasculating these pathetically Lukewarm Cousins by making plays from the hot corner. And it was so.

In the shortened second game, with Greg on the mound, the Pitchers got plenty of offense going early, with Greg, Sam and Matt all collecting three hits to burnish their stat lines. Damian scored 3 times at the top of the order, and made a nice play in the 2nd, hurdling a slow-diving Rubock in shallow left-center to cleanly make a catch on a sinking Cousins' line drive.

The Pitchers would go on to celebrate Brooke's birthday in style at Jeremy's, with all the sliders, baked goods and fireworks she could dream of. The end.