Ump controversy brewing at Coleman

Another weekend at the Coleman Oval, another split for the Empty Pitchers, whose bats went quiet against the Dragons in Game 1, before coming alive midway through Game 2 to pull out a win. Thanks to Sam for filling in during my absence, and thanks to everyone for contributing to the below recap wrap up.

First, some collected color commentary from the Coleman to set the scene:

• Falling branches nearly took out a Pitchers' lady or three on the bench.
• Ruby had a few too many Tequila Tuesdays, causing confusion as to whether the rank smell was him, or the Coleman Oval.
• Facing the pressure of having his 12-year-old female fan club (in uniform, watching in the stands), Felix proceeded to go hitless with RISP.
• Greg went 5-6 in his season debut, picking on the poor right fielder, but also spreading the wealth to all portions of the field. Unfortunately, he faced the same while standing on the mound, getting knocked around as the Dragons hit hard balls to all corners of the Oval.

Second, much like Roger Goodell and the replacement refs, the Commish is facing a potential controversy, as commotion continues to swirl around the new ump:

• He seriously had us questioning if we should file a petition with the Commish. Besides the typical errant calls of out or safe, he called a ball fair when it rolled into foul territory some 20 feet away from home. Apparently he didn't know that it had to pass first base in fair territory because his justification was, "It bounced in fair territory first!" Sam had to use his skills of persuasion to convince him he was wrong.
• He later admitted not giving the runner an extra base on a errant throw into the dugout because, "The game is close and I didn't want the game to be decided on a call like that."
• He sucks. I'm actually afraid he's going to make us lose a game.
• I think we had a replacement ump this past game because he didn't seem to know what the rules were on foul balls. It seemed to be a simultaneous call on where the ball was in foul territory but ruled as fair.
• McKayla is not impressed with the confused ump:
• He didn't know the game ended in Game 2 until Nicole told him
• The aforementioned fundamental lack of knowledge of what constitutes a foul ball
• On Brooke's awesome stab of a hard-hit grounder while playing 2B (she ended up doing a 360 and in true All-Star manner threw the runner out at first without missing a beat), the ump's take was: "Just like Jeter."
• The umpire was fouler than the smells in Chinatown. That is all.

And now, a few tidbits I was unable to fact check:

• Brunch and all-you-can-drink bloody Marys and mimosas (not at Jeremy's) was a huge success.
• The Empty Pitchers had a steep hill to climb without their best player and future Coleman Oval Hall-of-Famer Damian "Air" Nash. 
• Julie "The Enforcer" Murphy, being held for ransom deep in the swamps of Jersey, was also absent, leaving the opposing first baseman to take over the white part of first base with no one to put up a fight.
• With Alicia also out, the trees lining left field were allowed to hold onto their leaves for at least another week.

We'll let Serena Williams have the final word on subpar umps: