Ump controversy brewing at Coleman

Another weekend at the Coleman Oval, another split for the Empty Pitchers, whose bats went quiet against the Dragons in Game 1, before coming alive midway through Game 2 to pull out a win. Thanks to Sam for filling in during my absence, and thanks to everyone for contributing to the below recap wrap up.

First, some collected color commentary from the Coleman to set the scene:

• Falling branches nearly took out a Pitchers' lady or three on the bench.
• Ruby had a few too many Tequila Tuesdays, causing confusion as to whether the rank smell was him, or the Coleman Oval.
• Facing the pressure of having his 12-year-old female fan club (in uniform, watching in the stands), Felix proceeded to go hitless with RISP.
• Greg went 5-6 in his season debut, picking on the poor right fielder, but also spreading the wealth to all portions of the field. Unfortunately, he faced the same while standing on the mound, getting knocked around as the Dragons hit hard balls to all corners of the Oval.

Second, much like Roger Goodell and the replacement refs, the Commish is facing a potential controversy, as commotion continues to swirl around the new ump:

• He seriously had us questioning if we should file a petition with the Commish. Besides the typical errant calls of out or safe, he called a ball fair when it rolled into foul territory some 20 feet away from home. Apparently he didn't know that it had to pass first base in fair territory because his justification was, "It bounced in fair territory first!" Sam had to use his skills of persuasion to convince him he was wrong.
• He later admitted not giving the runner an extra base on a errant throw into the dugout because, "The game is close and I didn't want the game to be decided on a call like that."
• He sucks. I'm actually afraid he's going to make us lose a game.
• I think we had a replacement ump this past game because he didn't seem to know what the rules were on foul balls. It seemed to be a simultaneous call on where the ball was in foul territory but ruled as fair.
• McKayla is not impressed with the confused ump:
• He didn't know the game ended in Game 2 until Nicole told him
• The aforementioned fundamental lack of knowledge of what constitutes a foul ball
• On Brooke's awesome stab of a hard-hit grounder while playing 2B (she ended up doing a 360 and in true All-Star manner threw the runner out at first without missing a beat), the ump's take was: "Just like Jeter."
• The umpire was fouler than the smells in Chinatown. That is all.

And now, a few tidbits I was unable to fact check:

• Brunch and all-you-can-drink bloody Marys and mimosas (not at Jeremy's) was a huge success.
• The Empty Pitchers had a steep hill to climb without their best player and future Coleman Oval Hall-of-Famer Damian "Air" Nash. 
• Julie "The Enforcer" Murphy, being held for ransom deep in the swamps of Jersey, was also absent, leaving the opposing first baseman to take over the white part of first base with no one to put up a fight.
• With Alicia also out, the trees lining left field were allowed to hold onto their leaves for at least another week.

We'll let Serena Williams have the final word on subpar umps:

Week 2: Empty Pitchers vs. Dragons

Game 4 Box Score
9/22/2012
TEAM   1  2  3  4  5  6  7  FINAL
D      0  0  0  0  1  0  0  1
EP     0  0  0  2  2  0  X  4

PLAYER    AB  R  H RBI  BB   AVG 'On the Day'
John SS    3  1  1  0   0   .615 (2-6)
Stacey 1B  1  0  0  0   0   .250 (1-4)
 Katie     0  1  0  1 1,sac .000 (0-3, w,sac)
Greg OF    3  1  2  1   0   .833 (5-6, walk)
Brooke 2B  3  0  0  0   0   .000 (0-6)
Sam  OF    3  0  2  1   0   .750 (4-6)
Nicole C   3  0  0  0   0   .125 (0-3)
Felix 3B   3  0  1  1   0   .500 (1-5)
Lisa OF    0  0  0  0   1   .500 (1-2, walk)
 Tara      2  0  0  0   0   .000 (0-3)
Matt OF    1  1  0  0   1   .333 (0-4, walk)
Alex P     2  0  2  0   0   .750 (2-5)

2B - Sam (4,5)

Game 3 Box Score
9/22/2012
TEAM   1  2  3  4  5  6  7  FINAL
EP     1  0  0  0  0  0  0  1
D      2  0  0  2  0  0  X  4

PLAYER    AB  R  H  RBI  BB 
John SS    3  0  1   0   0 
Katie RF   3  1  0   0   0 
Greg P     3  0  3   0   1 
Stacey 1B  3  0  1   1   0 
Matt CF    3  0  0   0   0 
Brooke LF  3  0  0   0   0 
Tara C     1  0  0   0   0 
 Lisa      2  0  1   0   0 
Sam P      3  0  2   0   0 
Felix CF   2  0  0   0   0 

2B - Greg (1), Sam (3)

Mix of Coleman Oval new, familiar accompany start of '12 campaign

The Empty Pitchers kicked off their 2012 fall campaign with a split against the Dirt Dogs, losing 9-4 in Game 1 before bouncing back in Game 2 with a resounding 8-0 win.

The new:

• The slow-moving ump was the last to arrive at the field (30 minutes late for gametime), and in the wake of numerous delayed calls, could clearly learn a thing or four about proper form from Felix
• Brooke made her official Empty Pitchers debut after an October call up last season, and 
• Yet another beautiful color combo for the new unis was unveiled.

The same old:

• A stellar pitching performance from David (who made sure to conserve his best offensive self for his start)
• Julie getting fired up at the plate and being accused of blocking the basepaths
• Infield fielding excellence from John and Felix
• Alex stating he had finally "figured out" the right swing to use at the Oval, before promptly hitting the next pitch he saw over the fence, and
• The Brett Favre of the team, Nicole, talking her annual nonsense retirement-talk.

Alex pitched Game 1 for the Pitchers, and kept the team in the game all the way. For his sake, the Pitchers were thankfully able to avoid the rough defensive start that occassionally accompanies their first innings. The Pitchers got out of the first giving up only a run, highlighted by a toss in from centerfielder Sam that reached Julie at the plate in a perfectly- calibrated five hops and a two-yard roll.

Perhaps fueled by their own new unis (blaring red MLB World Series t-shirts featuring the Rangers and Cardinals, likely plucked from the discount bins at Jack's), the Dirt Dogs managed to get a couple runs up on the Pitchers as too many balls found a hole and/or divot in the outfield.

Controversy came in the 4th - with Koach K rubbing elbows with the hobos behind centerfield, searching in vain for the Clincher that fell victim to David's over-the-fence bomb - another bouncing throw came back into the mound, getting past Alex and rolling towards Julie, who was smartly backing up the throw between third and home. With her patented catlike reflexes, Julie swiped at a Dirt Dog lumbering towards home. While the ump called the runner out for stumbling outside the basepaths to avoid her tag, Murph's anger at the runner's bitching continued well into her first big beer at Jeremy's.

Game 2 was an inspirational 8-0 win, with the team clearly pulling together for Koach K's triumphant return to the softball field following a 3-month stint on the DL. The left-field trees took a foul ball beating, and by game's end the Koach (0-3 at the plate) had already hit eBay in search of a heavier piece of lumber with which to rediscover her timing. Luckily, with the opening game under their belts, John (4-for-4), Felix and Sam (both 3-for-3), all had polar-opposite second games at the plate, stringing together an unstoppable 8, 9, 1 in the batting order. By the time the Dirt Dogs subbed out their whiney pitcher for their douchey pitcher, it was too late - the Pitchers had a 5-run lead, and the game clock was running out.



Next game: Same time, same place - 10 a.m. at the Coleman Oval next Saturday, where we'll take on the Dragons.

Week 1: Empty Pitchers vs. Dirt Dogs

Game 2 Box Score
9/15/2012
TEAM   1  2  3  4  5  6  7  FINAL
EP     0  2  1  4  1  X  X  8
DD     0  0  0  0  0  X  X  0

PLAYER    AB  R  H  RBI  BB  AVG 'On the Day'
John SS    4  1  4   2   0  .857 (6-7)
Julie 2B   2  0  0   0   2  .000 (0-5, 2 walks)
David P    4  1  2   2   0  .429 (3-7)
Brooke 1B  1  1  0   0   2  .000 (0-3, 3 walks)
Matt LF    2  0  1   1  sac .600 (3-5, sac)
Alicia RF  3  0  0   0   0  .000 (0-3)
Alex 3B    3  1  2   1   0  .667 (4-6)
Nicole C   2  0  0   0   1  .250 (1-5, walk)
Sam RCF    3  3  3   1   0  .833 (5-6, walk)
Felix CF   3  1  3   1   0  .714 (5-7)
2B - David (1), Felix (1), Sam (2);
OTF - Alex (1)

Game 1 Box Score
9/15/2012
TEAM   1  2  3  4  5  6  7  FINAL
DD     1  3  0  1  3  1  0  9
EP     1  0  1  2  0  0  0  4

PLAYER    AB  R  H  RBI  BB 
Sam RCF    3  2  2   0   1 
Katie 2B   4  0  2   0   0 
Felix 3B   4  0  2   2   0 
Julie C    3  0  0   0   0 
John SS    3  0  2   0   0 
Brooke 1B  2  1  0   0   1 
Matt LF    3  1  2   0   0 
Nicole RF  3  0  1   1   0 
Alex P     3  0  2   1   0 
David CF   3  0  1   0   0 
2B - Matt (1), Sam (1); OTF - David (1)

Week 1 - RAINOUT/TORNADO WATCH In the meantime, enjoy Clay Aiken's take on the Coleman Oval...

Sadly, Week 1 of the 2012 season brought the Empty Pitchers and the Coleman Oval a rainout/tornado watch.

We'll try again next Saturday with a 10 a.m. match up versus the nefarious Dirt Dogs, who were 0-3 against last season, including our one-and-done playoff run. With your Saturday afternoons now free, I'll leave you with Clay Aiken's take on the Coleman Oval, for those of you who neglected to catch it on Season 12, Episode 13 of "Celebrity Apprentice."

In this clip, Clay attempts to find a suitable filming location for the final task, in which he and Arsenio Hall are charged with creating a 30-second commercial promoting the charities they are playing for. After the initial segment, jump ahead a few minutes to see Clay try (unsuccessfully) to use his celebrity to get onto the turf of the Murry Bergtraum field a block south of the Oval, and then just after the 1-hour mark, to watch him meet with children in the Coleman Oval Hobo Section:

Whatevs, Clay! You diva, you!